There was an article I read about a man who asked an adviser, “Why do girls go for the bad guys?” He was a decent man he explained. He treated women politely, brought them flowers and generally respected them. Then along comes a charmer who does just the opposite and wins the girl the good guy is hoping to attract.

It may take a different approach and a different set of standards for a man to look at a different type of woman. The standards of most women do not include a rude, ornery vulgar man who treats them like dirt. Only very insecure females who are a bit on the dense side would want that. Or they’ve been watching too many nasty guy movie characters like Hugh Jackman’s in Australia. Even if they find low class guys that exciting before marriage – if they manage to get them to the altar, which is doubtful – they’ll soon regret it. The excitement soon wears off and marriage becomes a nightmare. Furthermore, these kinds of guys usually want to save their marriages only to keep their women under their control.

The majority of women would die for men who don’t leer, pinch and act lecherous toward them. There is a greater chance of having a good husband if you start with a good guy. A good guy like that doesn’t unceremoniously grope for his woman’s breasts or between her legs when he pops through the door. If it is time to have sex, and he treats her with love, compassion and respect, and coax her passion to rise gradually. He leaves the gross stuff to cave men and beer guzzling jerks. The good guy usually is very much into preserving his marriage, too.

And frankly, a woman who has an ounce of sense in her body will shun the jerk and go for the guy with class, even if he isn’t all that good looking. A woman may find that she is being left by the bad boy she thought was so marvelous; or she might wish to dump him and discovers that’s not as easy as she thinks. Save your marriage? We’d say, get hooked up in a good marriage in the first place and you’ll want to save it. Already married to the bad boy? Then don’t wait until you get dumped to find a solution. We’ve got the stuff you need to help make things better.

Margaret Hardisty, International Bestselling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

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Ethan, a professional man, was angry and calling his wife all sorts of names when he came to us. “She’s having an affair with a guy she met at a roller skating rink. I just found out.” Then he burst into tears. “What can I do? I love her. I want to save my marriage.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t understand. I’ve always been a good husband.”

But he hadn’t been a good husband – not really. At least, not in her opinion. When I had the chance to talk with her she told me, “I put up with him as long as I could. I needed someone who would love me the way I needed.” Although they blamed each other, both were at fault; but in her disillusionment she started looking elsewhere outside her marriage and “fell in love” with the first guy who gave her attention. She began a love affair with him. The affair did not endure and soon she was That didn’t last, so she was off looking for another guy. Meanwhile their children floundered.

People have more reasons to justify their forays into adultery than a centipede has legs. Fortunately, physical adultery still shocks people – and especially if the faithless are famous, like Tiger Woods, or Jesse James, the husband of Sandra Bullock. At this time, it doesn’t look like either one is going to be able to save his marriage. Having sex with someone other than your own spouse can smash trust, destroy your marriage and damage your children.

Mental infidelity and emotional disloyalty are adulterous, too. A person can have sex mentally with someone else and no one is the wiser unless the porn or email correspondence that reveals their indulgence is discovered. Emotional disloyalty, by choosing someone other than your spouse as your closest confidant and friend, when there are romantic undertones, chips away at married closeness and can escalate into physical betrayal.

Once trust has been destroyed, most of those marriages fail. It is at that point in time that the one who cheated sometimes realizes just how much he/she has sacrificed, and there is a desire to make things better. Can it be done? Absolutely. Will it be easy? You already know the answer to that. But with the right information, it is a lot easier than most think.

What they want is a better, stronger, happier marriage. They just don’t know how to get it. The good news is that things can improve. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn’t just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.

It is important to be clear. We are not advocating adultery in any way shape or form. It causes incredible pain and suffering to everyone involved and makes the process of crafting a better marriage much harder.

Let us be very clear. We are not advocating adultery in any way shape or form. It causes incredible pain and suffering to everyone involved and makes the process of crafting a better marriage much harder. If you are in a difficult union, it is far easier to start right now, using clearly defined steps, like those we at Love Relationship Headquarters have laid out, to make the marriage you have dynamic and exciting. You can save the marriage you are in now without going through the pain caused by cheating. Find us and all the steps you need, whether you have gone through the frustration of adultery or not at www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com.

You ask us, “Can you save my marriage?” We would ask you to look in the mirror and ask, “Can WE save this marriage?” We can help, yes, but the actual process takes two – you and your spouse. Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

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Jarod was a client who was done with it and ready to leave his wife. “My wife Christina really does hate sex,” he told us. “At least since our kids were born. Is there any way you can help me so I want to save this marriage instead of hitting the road?”

Jarod told her about us and she decided to come to our sessions as well. “I love Jarod but I can’t stand his touching me,” she said. “I know he’s ready to leave, but if it means that I have to put up with his sexual stuff, I don’t care if we save this marriage or not.”

If sex disgusts you – if it’s a bother – or a waste of time – or it hurts – or is repulsive – or makes you feel dirty – or used – or you never experience pleasure from it…you need to realize that your reactions are not normal.

The thing to remember is that people don’t start thinking or acting a certain way for no reason. If you think you’ve gone through all the causes, forward and backward, and have come to the conclusion that sex is still all the things we mentioned above, don’t pass on this yet. There may be one important factor missing that will instantly start the improvement.

Other brain chemicals are released, too, like serotonin and endogenous opioids, the body’s equivalent of heroin. Sex really does relax you and improve your mood. It’s also why some people can immediately go to sleep.

Science is a major factor in this process. When two people engage in sex, two of the neurochemicals that are released are vasopressin and oxytocin. These two chemicals interact with one small but very important part of the brain that is not activated by any other emotion. This area of the brain is the same one that generates the euphoria induced by drugs – like cocaine, for example. The brain’s addiction chemicals are the same ones produced by love. What happens in your body and brain can, to a large extent, cause you to get addicted to love and the person whom you love.

Serotonin and endogenous opioids are the body’s equivalent of heroin creating a state of euphoria. Sex really does relax you and improve your mood. It’s also why some people can immediately go to sleep. All of these things tell you one thing. Only that sex is important to all of us on a number of levels: emotional, psychological and physical; gluing relationships together.

* There was a priest/pastor and/or a parent who told her that, according to the Bible, sex is dirty and shameful, and she should indulge in it only to have a baby. The Bible teaches no such thing. The bible actually teaches just the opposite.

* Her religious beliefs tell her to believe that the Bible denounces sex as dirty and shameful, and that having a child as the result is the only purpose. The Bible teaches no such thing. The bible actually teaches just the opposite.

* Someone in a position of authority told her that sexual pleasure was for the man. There are some bad apples who think this way, but most men do not.

* She had an authority figure who told her, as she was growing up, that men want women for nothing but to satisfy their sexual appetites. A few are like that. The majority aren’t * Your husband has never learned how to make love so it is a pleasure to you. He needs to read our books: Forever My Love and Keep Love Exciting and Lasting.

Tell your man today that you need his help because you are determined to conquer this: “I want our marriage to survive, Honey, and I know this is an important part of that.” He’ll be deeply grateful that you love him enough to try, not only to come to the point of desiring him, but because you want to save your marriage.

Your goal will be to like – adore – cherish lovemaking – not dislike or just tolerate it. Unless you make a conscious effort to change this attitude you may lose your marriage as a result. Save your marriage – start on it today.

Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

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The last time I saw Gerry he was selling drugs. I accidentally ran into him downtown. He always had been conversant and he told me everything, “You aren’t going to turn me in, are you?” he asked. Actually, I wasn’t sure of his real name and I didn’t know where he lived, so that would have been difficult. Vance had become acquainted with him several years before, helped him turn his life around, at least temporarily, and brought him to our house. With Vance’s help, he had given up taking or selling drugs.

His parents had been extremely poor role models and his upbringing was shoddy at best. His mother, a nurse, had stolen drugs and started her kids on them. So his background had included stints in juvenile hall and later, prison. Before we met him, he’d had a baby by one woman he dearly loved, but because he was taking drugs and tended to be homicidal, she left him. He couldn’t save the relationship.

Once he had a child he really tried to turn his life around. He married the next girlfriend but the same thing happened. She left him out of fear, despite his desires to save the marriage.

He had married another women when I saw him again and, he told me, since he wanted a lot of money, for prestige as much as anything, he had gone back to selling drugs.

Taking drugs, whether recreational or prescribed, is just plain foolish. When life becomes puzzling, hard and frustrating, many, unable to endure until they discover an answer, take the easy way out and alter reality with chemicals. Despite the fact that, for a short period of time while they are indulging they can forget their troubles, feel good and “handle it,” (as they all say), when they are clean, they discover that their problems are still there. Remember the commercial about this is your brain on drugs Just imagine how bad your problems become on drugs. Drugs add another dark and…shall we say it?… evil dimension to their lives, their marriages, their perception of things.

It is very difficult to heal a marriage if drugs are involved. In fact, it’s very difficult to deal at all with a person who indulges – because they go off the drugs, get into rehab, come out clean, get a new life – and then, like a dog going back to its own vomit, they do drugs again. When we deal with a troubled marriage or life that is complicated even further that way, we say to ourselves, “Tell me again why we are using our energy and time trying to help these people who won’t help themselves.”

Your spouse, your children, your extended family, and you have a beautiful life ahead of you once you get rid of this devilish habit once and for all. Many people have actually won the fight. You will need help, but the ultimate decision to conquer is yours. Discover your weaknesses and what caused them.

Your spouse, your children, your extended family, and you have a beautiful life ahead of you once you get rid of this devilish habit once and for all. It has been done by many. You will need help, but the ultimate decision to conquer is yours. Through a system of self discovery you can identify your weaknesses. Then fight them as if you were a soldier going into battle and your life depended upon your using the weapons that are at your disposal against the enemy. Pray. Ask God for help. Then continue to do your part. Victory will be yours.

We have more on addictions as well as saving your marriage in our material and books at Love Relationship Headquarters. Keep fighting.

Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

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Mary had grown up slim. However, her figure tended to move outward a bit when it came to her thighs. Still, she was very attractive and looked good in her clothes. After she’d had three children, though, her body began to move outward all over. She liked the fact that it gave her bigger breasts, but the rest was depressing to her. Actually, she was feeling trapped. Her husband worked 50 hours a week and could not be there for his family.

Her unhappiness began to chip away at their relationship. He never talked about her weight but inside she felt disgusting and ugly and took her frustrations out on him. He fought back and when other things began to pound at them, such as huge bills and a job loss, she decided the only way out of the whole mess was to get divorced. She no longer wanted to save the marriage.

Despite her foolish decision, she realized that she couldn’t go it alone . She hadn’t finished her education and at best she could get a low paying job. She was concerned about the welfare of her kids. She’d have to find another man, that was all, and to do so, she needed to lose weight.

Her decisions devastated her husband who didn’t spot the signs soon enough, and once he did, he refused to change anything he was doing to save his marriage. He wanted her to change, not him.

She changed, all right, but not in the way that would save their marriage. Still, part of what she should have done several years before, she did now. She started regulating her diet – stringently – and she lost weight. A lot of it. She also found another man and had an affair. The man was a dog, but because she was running from her hurt – and trying to run from herself as well as her husband – she couldn’t see that. The “dog” went his way, in time, and she scouted for another guy, found him – another dog – and in time, he went his way. Meanwhile she filed for divorce, and continued to do what she could to make her figure better. V:3

The question is: Why couldn’t she realize that her overeating and not taking care of her body was part of the whole picture of unhappiness that she was experiencing and that it eventually would result in the loss of her marriage? Why couldn’t her ex-husband see that, as well, and do something about it before it was too late? The weight was a distraction because it was not the root of the problem. V:3

If overweight is a monster gnawing at you, determine to do something about it now so you don’t lose your marriage Being overweight is a symptom of a much deeper emotional problem. Problems can cause emotional stress and physical illness and it all can tie in with being overweight. The body is a marvelous machine. All parts work together and affect one another.

Keep in mind, when the ball comes swishing toward your bat, you’re the only one who can be there swinging. Either you practice until you hit it or you drop your bat and trot back to the dugout. You have to do it yourself. This is one thing you must do on your own. We have quite a bit of material on this at Love Relationship Headquarters. And as far as your marriage is concerned, no matter how bad or boring you think it may be, unless it is abusive, it’s worth saving – not only for your sake but for your husband’s and your children’s.

We have quite a bit of material on this at Love Relationship Headquarters. And as far as your marriage is concerned, no matter how bad or boring you think it may be, unless it is abusive, it’s worth saving – not only for your sake but for your husband’s and your children’s. We show you how, not only to save your marriage, but how to make it better and, frankly, exciting. Get started on our materials and books today so your home will be a happy, peaceful one, not one filled with strife and fat bodies.

Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

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Many of the problems, that married couple encounter, root from a deficiency in communication within the matrimonial kinship. Although virtually all couples will assure you that they do work heavily to communicate with their better half, many partners experience a feeling of lack in communicating on their spouses side. This is generally because from each partners view they believe that they’re effectively passing on their viewpoint, however that information isn’t being understandably picked up on their partners side.

A deficiency in communication, however, is in reality something that could be solved relatively simply and among the most effective directions to solve it is to arrange communicating rules. This entails guidelines that would help oneself better the effectiveness of your communicating as a couple.

1. Use A Talking Object- When one partner is talking the other needs to be quietly listening, and this can only happen when you are taking turns. Most couples will talk over each other, because they are so anxious to make their point and they wind up missing what the other person is saying. Using an object that is held for the purpose of communicating can really help couples take their time to talk and also their time to listen. This object is held by the person who is talking and helps to create an environment where one person has the floor and the other one is just listening.

2. Stay Focused On One Issue At A Time- What often happens when a couple is discussing something, they tend to get off track and bring up issues from the past. This is not a means to effective communication, and is also not what the issue is at the moment. Even if you think that something from the past also relates to what you are discussing, it should still not be brought into the current conversation. If you stay focused on one issue at a time, you will be able to effectively communicate and resolve all issues that you, as a couple, are facing.

3. Wait Before You Speak- When a problem arises couples often want to discuss it then and there, and this can cause for a very heated argument, as both will be agitated and defensive. Instead, create a specific day and time where you can sit down and discuss the issues that arise during the week. This gives you and your spouse a change to think about the issues and what you would like ot communicate to your spouse. This will allow you to both discuss all the issues rationally and without getting into a heated argument.

Avoid marriage problems logging onto www.lightyourfire.com. It is a place where you can read advice and testimonies as well as purchase programs that are a form of in home marriage counseling.

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